So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
