respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
