Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
