when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
You can't special order awesome
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
