And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
