awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
