Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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