This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
