im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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