you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
