Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
