Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
