Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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