10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
