Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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