how hairy? two words: wookie tits
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
