Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
