so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
