I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
