literally had 100 drinks last night.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
