Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
