Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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