I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
