i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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