Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
A+ Viking dick
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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