We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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