I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
