Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
