Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
