I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
