He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
