Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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