Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
