dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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