i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
