I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
