I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
