i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize
