we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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