I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
