my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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