none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
