your parents love me but you hate me
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
