i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
