I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
