You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Drunk is not a location!
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
