I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
