My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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