you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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