Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
So apparently I’m into choking now
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
